


Because love just happens

by Clementines



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:24:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clementines/pseuds/Clementines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first, short and modest attempt at this fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because love just happens

Niki’s POV

 

For a very long time, I was unable to understand what love was. My family wasn’t exactly known for being especially affectionate; love was the last of the values I was educated in. 

Hugs, cries of sadness and joy, tender words... Those were signs of weakness and weaknesses were not allowed in the Lauda’s household. Life was a competition; you had to be fit, strong, efficient and successful. Love... love was for girls, stupid novels and people looking for excuses in life. 

I know what you are thinking; let me tell say that you should stop right now. Do not dare to pity me; I was not traumatized by it at all. Love was simply a foreign concept and, if you want the truth, it made everything easier. The sex, the break ups whether they happened with family, girls or friends... Everything was easier without love. 

I would listen to people going crazy about it; love this, love that... I never understood. Their blabbering gave me a headache and the only thing I could think when listening to it was that it was such a waste of energy. 

Do not get me wrong; I am not an emotionally disabled person. Well, maybe I am, a little bit but that does not mean I haven’t felt a strong affection for other persons. I couldn’t understand love as an abstraction but I did understand commitment, a shared life, and a family. Those things I could understand and I cherished dearly. 

But love... the craziness of it all, I never really grasped until a certain blond. 

It was pure madness. We had nothing to do together. Everything he was, I was not; everything I was, he was not. Not in a million years would I have imagined to commit, share a life and raise a family. It would have been pure suicide and, you know me, I don’t like taking more than the unavoidable 20% risk. 

It was absolutely illogical and yet I don’t think I have been as close to anyone else as I was, and still am, to him. I have never needed to explain things to James; James knew. I have never had to lie to James; it would have been totally pointless because James could read me as an open book even when, to the rest of the universe, I was a bit of a mystery. I never needed to make any promises to James; we both knew that the ones that really matter are never said but just kept. 

James was special. He was fascinating. He was exhilarating. He made me want to do things I had never thought about before. He was different. I respected him. I admired him, even though I would have had rather my head cut off than admitting it to him. 

We had none of the disadvantages of a relationship; no need to be someone we were not, no need to feign we cared when we did not give a fuck, no need to swear a fidelity that was never going to happen, no need to discuss who had left the lights on the day before. 

Our thing was only about what truly mattered; life, death and, now I realize, love. Everything else was simply irrelevant. Looking into James’ eyes was to understand what the hell we were doing on earth. Nothing else, especially words, were needed. 

We could spend years apart or even forever and it wouldn’t have mattered because us was much more than a relationship. It was love; no need to say sorry, no need to forgive, no need for a commitment that was there before any of us could realized it, no need for tender words. 

Then in the end I understood that love is simply a feeling. I understood how love could only be unconditional. I understood how love has nothing to do with hugs, marriages and whispers at dark. Love was about sheer honesty; love was about unspoken trust; love was something you did not have a say in it. Love just happened. 

And in the end, it had happened to me because love is about finding your equal and I did in the person of a blond asshole I would have never loved willingly. It happened because it was he and I was I and nobody could come between us. We would never say “I do” or share a big house somewhere in Vienna and it was for the best. 

That’s when I learnt the difference between marriage and love; marriage is until death does us apart, love always beats death; it beats death every single time.


End file.
